


Biggest Mistake

by daenerisse



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, this is so fucking cliche but i want to write it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2020-03-07 21:56:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18882022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daenerisse/pseuds/daenerisse
Summary: It hurts to see the man you love love someone else.





	Biggest Mistake

I should be happy for him. My mind tells me I should. 

But truth be told, I cannot bring myself to be. It was the complete opposite. It’s sad -devastating, even. It hurt; it’s like a thousand needles are pricking my heart. It’s like a hollow had been left inside me. It hurts to see the man you love love someone else. It hurt to see him so happy wrapped around her arms. 

It was I who had been there for him. I was there when we were but children, when the news arrived that his mother died from birth complications. I was there for him when we were 16 and he received a telegram that his father died while training in Camp Lehigh. I was there for him when he got separated from his sister shortly after losing their father. I was there for him when Steve breathed out his last breath due to old age. He lost almost everyone that cared and loved him. I vowed to myself he would never lose me. 

But this, I don’t think I could bear it. I don’t think I could stand staying by his side, watching him love someone that isn’t me. I have been there for him since the start. Why can’t it be me? Why can’t it be me that he loves? 

I felt tears forming in my eyes; it wasn’t long before it cascaded down my cheeks. I immediately wiped them away with my sleeve.  _Stop falling, damn it! Stop! Why won’t it stop?_ Soft sobs escaped my lips as I looked around my room; the glass windows of the Compound shielded me from the storm raging over the open field.

“Hey”

I tensed at the all too familiar voice. I felt my insides melt at the thought of him. With the measly strength I could manage, I composed myself before turning to him. “Hey Buck,” I greeted, a strained smile on my lips.

“What’s up? You don’t look so good.” There was a hint of worry in his voice.  _Of course, he’ll notice._ He strode towards me; brows knitted in a frown and then brought his hands towards my face, cupping my cheeks with his warm hands. I flinched a little but he didn’t withdraw. “Why are you crying, doll?”

“It’s nothing. It’s just the rain making me sad, is all.” 

_James Buchanan, I am begging you, please leave me._ I could feel my resolve breaking every second he spent with me. 

He eyed me as though his bullshit meter was ticking in the red zone. “You can’t lie to me, I’m your best friend. Now what’s going on?”

Two words. It took two words for my rope of resolve to snap.

BEST FRIEND.

I slapped his hands away and looked at him intently, the tears started falling again. He was taken aback by action; he stood rooted on his spot, eyes clouded with shock and confusion. “That’s right, Bucky! I am your best friend, and that’s all I will always be to you. And you’re my best friend but I made the biggest mistake of my life by falling in love with my best friend!”

I quickly brought my hands up to cover my mouth.  _Fuck! I did not just…. did I?_ I gasped in shock, horrified at how I had lashed out and confessed at the same time. Stupid stupid move. 

“What… you, what do you mean?”

“Nothing. Forget it,” I dismissed, “I need air.” I rushed past him but before I could reach the door, his warm fingers caught my wrist in a tight grip. He pulled me back making me face him.

“Nah, you don’t get to leave without answering my question, doll.” He said, his voice hard and demanding. He looked at me with searching eyes. I know he is trying to read me again, and god damn he was so good at that. “What the hell do you mean by that?”

“I told you it’s nothing.” I winced at the pain on my wrist; his grip had been a little too tight for my comfort. “You’re hurting me, Buck.” I whimpered.

_Physically and emotionally_.

His grip loosened but not enough to let my wrist go. His gaze softened. “I’m sorry, but please don’t lie to me. That hurts me too.”

And just like that my feelings poured out like a broken water dam. “It hurts me to see you love someone that isn’t me. It hurts me to see you so happy with someone else.”

“Why?”

I gulped then took a deep breath. Our gaze never breaking. I opened my mouth to say, “Because I love you.” It came out as a whisper but he heard it. “And I know you already have it going well with the new recruit,” this time he looked confused. “I know you confessed to her, I heard you two.” 

His face broke out in a wide grin. It was the lopsided smile that had me hooked all these years. The lopsided smile that lingered in my late night thoughts. It was that smile that had me coming undone. “You know what your biggest mistake is?” He asked, I looked at him, brow raised in question. “Believing that stunt I pulled.”

“What?” I gaped at him. Eyes wide in disbelief. 

“I guess it worked, though.” He let go of my wrist only to place it on my face. He tucked strands of hair behind my ear. His dark eyes stared right into my soul. “I love you. Always have, always will. I couldn’t imagine a life without you. You’re the only one I have left.”

“You also have your teammates, Buck.”

“But they’re different. You are different. You’re… you are..it’s- ” he huffed then finally said. “You’re someone I can’t explain in words. But the point is I love you, okay? And you did say you love me too so why are we still talking?”

My face broke out in a grin at his words. Suddenly, everything seemed brighter, even with the pouring rain outside. I could feel the rapid beating of my heart. “I don’t know, soldier. You tell me.”

“Ain’t nobody got time for talking.” Was the last thing he said before his hand snaked around the back of my head, softly nudging it towards him as he dipped down towards my face. Our lips crashed, and we stood there, mouth connected but not moving. Eyes closed. Hearts beating in unison. He broke the kiss then stared at me.

“What?”

“ _The new recruit_  has a name, you dumbass”

“Shut up and kiss me, Barnes.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Show some love, yeah?


End file.
